It was a little while back also, however, when I learned that what much of society does is not true understanding. Like with many things, society corrupts a good concept through misunderstanding what it really is or looks like. It has corrupted our view of understanding others' faults and flaws, which will be looked at in part 1 (this part), and it has corrupted our view of understanding others' pain, looked at in part 2 (the next part). (I will be writing both of these blogs tonight, simply so I do not forget [and I have not forgotten the other three part blog I spoke about!]. I am dividing them into parts, however, due to length. No one likes to sit through long readings without at least some break.)
Society's views on understanding flaws seems to mean that one has to make an excuse for them. If your girlfriend, boyfriend, or just plain friend has done something hurtful (to you, someone else, anyone), society thinks that you have to look at their reasoning. And then, since you know why they did whatever they did, you need to just let it go and not let it bother you. Or, even if you don't follow their reasoning, just let it go anyway. Sounds good, right? I mean, that sounds like forgiveness.
Wrong. Understanding does not mean that you just make excuses for someone else's behavior, towards you or someone else, and that's not what forgiveness is either. We get so tripped up into thinking that we have to believe ourselves and everyone else good people that when someone does anything wrong, it feels like to be a good person ourselves and to maintain them as a good person in our mind we must find some way to make what they did less offensive. Less sinful. But this is not truly understanding someone, then, is it? If we must believe that someone is good to be their friend and accepting of them, what happens when they do something that really, really hurts us? That we can't seem to find any justification for anymore?
If you're like a normal person, you will strive and struggle to keep the relationship going, but in the end bitterness will have its way with you. Wrongdoings demand justification, and this knowledge is burned into our minds just as much as walking is. It's natural. So when you believe that to be understanding of someone who has done something wrong means to discount that they did something wrong, or belittle it, you're setting true forgiveness up for failure right then and there.
What is understanding in this situation then? Let's look at a few verses from the Bible to see if we can figure it out. The first one is one many of us have heard, and it's actually referencing love, but I believe many of you will understand where I'm coming from in saying that understanding is an act of love (punny, aren't I?).
1 Corinthians 13:4 "Love is patient. . ." Let's stop right here. Patient for what? The right person to come along? Let's not forget that, in context, this verse isn't just speaking about marriage. And while I would say this patience is meant to say for a lot of things, one of them is other peoples' mistakes. We aren't meant not to notice them, but we can be patient with them. We can choose to acknowledge that they hurt us, but then let it go. Trust that they do still care about us, even if they do it imperfectly and have done an uncaring thing toward us. Which, what I've just said in the past two sentences demonstrates loves qualities of keeping no record of wrongs (verse 5) and the fact that it "always trusts" (verse 7). Sometimes, when someone does something uncaring toward us, we are tempted to think that they themselves do not care about us, but we need to remember that they are also flawed human beings. In remembering that they are flawed, we can remember that they do still care about us, even if they've messed up, and relax with that knowledge firmly in place. If you have trouble believing that they still care about you when someone does something hurtful, stop right there and consider what you are thinking about doing to them to get back at them, or to try to get them to notice that you've been hurt. Likely, it's something you hope will hurt them back. An imperfect and uncaring thing to do. Now ask yourself, do you still care about them? I hope the answer is still "yes," and that this helps you to see in the moment that they too still care.
The next verse, parable actually, deals with forgiveness, and it's another one that many of you are likely to recognize. Since it's so long, I won't write out the whole thing, but take this time to look at the parable of the unmerciful servant at Matthew 18:21-35.
Remember when I said that wrongdoings require justification? Or, justice, rather. That didn't change in 1 Corinthians 13 when it said "love keeps no record of wrongs." Justice happens before the record book is brought out, and it's what allows us to keep from writing their name down and exactly what they owe us every time we get hurt by something that they do.
Looking at this parable doesn't feel like it's looking at a demonstration of justice, though, does it? Not the way we've been brought up to view it, no, but it is justice. Justice is the payment of an act. Any act, really, though it's commonly looked at through situations of court and crime. It is what brings the world into equilibrium; an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. Capital punishment. All that controversial stuff that I won't debate here.
But here we have a king who has forgiven his servant. At first the master demands payment, saying that the servant must sell all that he has to pay what he owes, but the servant begs for forgiveness. The master then cancels the debt and lets him go.
This is justice. There was a payment made. But, as you all are noticing and maybe questioning, it wasn't by the servant, so who?
The king. The master paid for what his servant owed him by freely giving it to him. Forgiving it to him, if you will. The master swallowed the debt, paying out of his own pocket to take the consequence of this servant. Unfortunately, as we see, the servant does not do the same for another and is punished by the king for this.
Let this remind us who our master is. Jesus. And may it also remind us of two things. First, he has already paid for the sins of our brothers and sisters. Second, and more importantly to remember for the practical application of forgiveness, that means he has paid for you're wrongdoings, and according to this parable he wants you to "pay it forward." This parable demonstrates that no matter what anyone else may do to us, and thus what they may owe us, it pales FAR in comparison to what we owe to God through our disobedience. So when someone else hurts you, remember this. Justice does demands a payment, but forgiveness means that it can come from the debtor.
Wrapping all of this up into a nice, neat little package, being understanding of another's faults and flaws first means recognizing that they are indeed faults flaws. Second, we can let them bother us, at least for a little while, but we should forgive by not keeping a record of wrongs and not reacting harshly towards them as payment for what they have done to hurt us, or even irritate us. Third, it means recognizing that when a loved one does hurt us, and even though it was an uncaring thing that they did, it doesn't necessarily mean that they don't care. It means that their love and care for you is imperfect, but still there.
Post blog notes
I was dealing with a pretty big concept, and as such I realize that as a fallible person, I may have written in some contradictions unintentionally. Go ahead and point them out, and I will do my best to address them. If I cannot address them, I will do my best to humbly admit that I am wrong, unless after careful consideration I still think I'm not, even in the face of the contradiction. There are a few things in life that seem to contradict that are sometimes simply like two gears that just haven't meshed right yet and are grinding against each other until they can be reworked and greased with new knowledge and (laughs) understanding. However, I will still give you credit where credit is due for seeing the contradiction, and graciously accept that you disagree with me. I still haven't ruled out the possibility that I am wrong.
Also, I promised I would write the other part tonight, and I still intend to, but I may not. I'm sorry, but I am tired. This took longer writing than I thought it would (and I thought it would be long), and it took a lot of thinking and researching, and I'm still not satisfied with how everything is presented and that I haven't missed some error in my logic. I will make my best effort to write the next part tonight though.
Lastly, ignore the bit down below, unless you simply want a preview of the next part. I wrote it while writing this one, intending to cover both topics in one blog, and then removed it by cutting and pasting when I realized that I wouldn't cover it all in one post. It's there so that I don't have to rewrite it, and that is all.
Thank you to everyone who is and has been reading my blogs! Shalom.
No comments:
Post a Comment